Pottery
by Gojirob
Summary: A bit of silliness based on the surname of the 4077th's second CO and that of a young wizard.


**(Author's Note: Someday I may do a 'proper' HP/MASH Xover. Till then, I hope this at least mildly amuses)**

**Pottery**  
by Rob Morris

**Pottery**

Klinger stood before Potter's desk with a top hat, a magic wand, and a semblance of a straight face.

"So you see, Colonel, I *just* remembered how, as a boy, I was whisked away to join a school for young wizards. I'm supposed to avenge the deaths of my real parents. I can't stay here any more. First thing is, I have to head back to school to freshen up my magic. So will you let me fight the real war, the one you people can't see?"

Potter stood up behind his desk, lightly slammed the desk-top with his opened palm, and gave his opinion of Klinger's latest attempt.

"Hog Warts!"

**Pottery 2**

BJ's prankster friend Leo had Hunnicutt deep in Dutch with a General who demanded proof that the surgeon was not the one who gave him grief.

"See this hat? Put it on!"

After another forceful denial by BJ that this was obviously Leo's hat did not work. So he placed it on, and well over his forehead it went. A new voice was then heard.

"No, no, General. This is not your man. Not at all."

The General nodded.

"Sorry to have accused you, Doctor. You're free to go, of course."

Outside the office, a relieved BJ asked his supportive friends a question.

"Whose the one who told the General it wasn't me? Colonel? Hawk?"

Pierce seemed uncharacteristically thrown.

"Beej--it wasn't me or the Colonel. It was...err..."

Hunnicutt shrugged.

"Who?"

Equally thrown off, Potter gulped.

"BJ, son---it was the hat."

**Pottery 3**

A spell meant to show Harry Potter his past went badly awry (The result of an argument between Ron and Hermione), and so Harry met his great-grandather's alternate universe counterpart, a Colonel and doctor in the US Army in the Korean conflict. The odd place accepted him, and he took to calling this other Sherman 'Uncle'. But Harry sometimes found things harder to accept that the ravages of war.

As he approached, Harry again saw the odd figure leave the Colonel's office.

"Uncle, that poor woman is afflicted with such horrid looks. I think the school would forgive me if I used magic to help her."

Sherm looked up, and chuckled at the boy's error.

"No need, son. That was just Klinger."

Harry looked back to where Klinger had been.

"I'd still like to try."

-------------------------------

**Pottery 4**

"Harry, wouldja go and grab the other end of the stretcher?"

"Yes, Uncle."

Harry was now close to a month stuck at the Korean War medical unit, the American 4077th MASH.

"Mister Potter, take a mop and bleach the floor in Post-Op. It'll be full soon enough."

"Right away, Major."

Luckily, he'd had one of his own rulebooks on hand, and found a help in it. Young Wizards stuck in times not their own were in fact encouraged to make limited use of magic, firstly to create a trail that could help the others at Hogwarts locate them. Secondly, it helped create comforts that would keep one from blurting out the future if in the past, and seeking wrongful knowledge if in the future.

"Harry, take this coffee to your Uncle Sherman. I hate to do it after only an hour, but we need him back in. And while you're at it, magick me up new feet."

"He won't like it, Captain Pierce—the coffee or the wake-up. As to new feet—still working on that for myself."

The work was not strenuous to Harry. The people were grateful for his help--a marked change from his life with Uncle and family--and the rigors that sorry bunch had put him through meant that he didn't mind hard work. Where it did drain him, he would find a chuckle in the thought that Draco Malfoy and his bunch wouldn't last any longer here than would Cousin Dudley.

But some people acted to remind him of his overstuffed relations and acquaintances. As the instructors often said, there are Muggles---and then there are Muggles.

"Colonel, I will not have heathenistic, paganistic rituals conducted here."

"Burns, the old man wants the spirits out. It'll calm him enough to let Pierce do the operation. Can't you just let things be--even once?"

"It's not in me. Besides, even if this malarkey could work, we cannot allow the slow encroachment of non-Biblical influences. If we allow ourselves to benefit from the unseen arts, I can tell you where this camp is going straight down to."

Harry, silent until then, asked a question.

"Major, does this mean you don't want me to conjure up rice pudding for this afternoon's lunch?"

Colonel Potter got a certain look on his face over this, and Burns openly gulped.

"Welllll--we have to give the boy something to do, right?"

**Pottery 5**

Hawkeye saw Harry gesturing at the food bins in the mess tent. After several attempts, he shrugged and gave up.

"No matter what I try, or how well I concentrate, I cannot turn this stuff into real food!"

Pierce chuckled.

"Kid, you should probably start with something a lot easier to change."

"But Captain--I already did."

Radar ran in.

"Hey, Hawkeye, c'mon--we got a call from Colonel Blake, back in Illinois!"

Pierce stared at Harry, then at the door where Radar had just been. He shook his head.

"Why does that make so much sense?"


End file.
